Growing old is without doubt a privilege, but as they say in my beautiful homeland, ‘age disnae come itsel!’. I’ve come to accept the fact that perimenopause symptoms are kicking my arse, and upon reflection, they have been for some time. When lockdown happened in 2020, the novelty of it all meant all manner of folk were offering free online training sessions, and I started doing them with gusto, to a point where towards the end of the year, I felt I was fitter than I had been at the start, and I was 35lbs lighter than I am now. When Christmas was cancelled that year, the disappointment and mental toll of the pandemic started to take their toll, and I slowly got into a bit of a funk that I’m not sure I ever really got out of. I lost the motivation to keep training, and slowly started putting on weight, gradually reaching the heady heights of getting to my heaviest weight ever, and here I am still, 3 years later. Yay.

I don’t mean this to be a ‘woe is me’ blog, as I’m still very fortunate to be in a good job, with no major health issues etc. etc., more that I think it’s taken me all this time to realise that part of the steady decline was likely due to my hormones gradually sliding off a cliff, unbeknownst to me. Or perhaps I could see it but was in denial, as it had been mentioned to me as a reason for a sudden increase in some anxiety, which I’d never had before, but I felt quite offended when this was pointed out. Anyway, last year I knew I had to get some help, so started HRT which is definitely helping, but I’m not quite there yet.

The reducing hormones have really flip flopped everything, and all the good stuff I used to do that helped me lose weight in the past just doesn’t work. At all. It’s annoying, but it is what it is. Thankfully I seemed to have skipped the very worst symptoms, and I know I’m faring better than many women, but the symptoms I do have are impactful, sometimes in ways I haven’t even appreciated until recently. I’m grateful it hasn’t impacted my sleep very much, but I’m constantly knackered and feel devoid of energy. Occasional anxiety creeps in, but I know it’s hormonal so I can talk myself out of it. Body composition is considerable worse, and I’ve lost muscle mass too, which makes some exercises harder than they were; this is not a boost for motivation. For me the worst issues are gynae related and also skin related, so life feels pretty uncomfortable a lot. I realise I have been wallowing in a bit of self pity, probably because it’s much easier to feel ‘meh’ when your energy has effed off somewhere else. However, the other side of that coin is the realisation that I’m not getting any younger, I live on my own and I’m likely to do so for a long time if not for good, so no-one is coming to save me, and if I don’t accept where I am and the impact this is having, I’ll just keep wallowing and remain on a steady decline. I’m not quite ready to give up yet.

So what next? Well, I’m doing some gym work and swimming a bit more because I’ve got Coniston in June. I love swimming outdoors and cannot wait until the water is warm enough to get the distance in because frankly I absolutely hate swimming in the pool. While I’m enjoying swimming itself because my stroke has improved massively, chlorine issues really affect me for a couple of days post swim, so it’s a bit of a pain considering I need to swim 3 times a week. I’ll keep going and trying different things to help, and hopefully it’ll improve. Fingers crossed I can do more outside from March/April and mostly ditch the pool; I’ll just have to see how it goes. In terms of facing the reality of where my 48 year old body is, I’m switching up training times and strategies, eating more protein and doing other bits and pieces to make the best of it all. While I have zero patience and want instant improvements, I might have to wait a while but hopefully I’ll start to see some light at the end of the tunnel in a few months, if not sooner.

Wish me luck!